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Thursday, July 28, 2011

12 weeks.....and some days.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant.

That means that twelve weeks ago, a miracle happened when a piece of me, and a piece of my amazing husband found each other and made Someone enitirely new. ( I don't figure my dates the same way Doctors do, because I'm a unique individual. If I did, then I would be 14 weeks and some days).

I figured that by now I'd have more energy, I'd be more "glowy" and NOT so pregnant looking.
Seriously. I look like I'm five months pregnant.
I'm having a hard time with it, because I feel like I never really got back to my pre-pregnancy weight after Emery, so, I feel really big, and I'm already wearing Maternity clothes which are almost never very flattering unless you're super tiny and just have a baby bump and no extra padding, like me. 

I have no idea wether there is a girl or a boy growing in me either.  With Emery I had dreams. Dreams of a little boy....
This time around....nothing.
I don't really want to know either.

I want to be surprised. 

Owen wants to find out.

Emery hasn't really grasped the idea yet either.

I'm worried that he'll be jealous, that he won't like the baby, that things will be really rough for quite a while. I 'm not sure how to get past that.

I'm also worried abot going back to work after the baby.  With Emery I didnt work for a while, and then when I didgo back to work I was nannying so he got to come with me. I didn't have to worry about pumping breastmilk for him because he was with me.  Its a good thing I didn't have to either because I never could get more than an ounce or two to actually pump. 

I have a full time job. I have a lot of responsibilty. I can't take the baby to work with me. We can't really afford to put a baby in daycare, and honestly, 6 weeks is too young in my opinion to be in the care of someone other than me for a large chunk of the day, I'm just not comfortable with it.

I'm not sure where I had planned on going with this post, but that's okay because I didn't really realize I felt this way about some things.  Typing it all out is sort of therapeutic. 

I guess this pregnancy is becoming more real to me, not that it wasn't real, I just hadn't really envisioned what the future looks like as a family of four.


And so very Exciting!

I can't wait to see how this all plays out!

Thanks for reading. :)


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