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Friday, November 13, 2009

Intentionally Honest- which leaves me feeling raw, open, and vulnerable.

My friend Jasmine tagged me to write ten honest things about me. Since this is the only blog I have, and semi-keep up with, I guess this is where it will be written.
I suppose this is a good thing because really, the people I started this blog for don't ever read it anymore-and if they do, they'll learn some things about me.

1) I struggle daily with a raging temper. I'll scream, yell, and say nasty things. The problem is: I don't know why I'm so angry.

2) Because of number one, I feel like an awful mother a lot of the time. I feel like I'm going to somehow scar Emery for life causing him to be an awful friend, partner, and father when he is older.

3)I love, love, love my job. It actually is inspiring me to do more with alternative medicine/Health/Natural Healing beyond just massage therapy and Midwifery (Maybe possibly a Naturopathic Doctor or a Nutritionist someday?!) However, I hate, hate, hate leaving Emery every day. I want to be the one teaching him things, and watching him grow.

4) Because of number 1, 2, and 3, I am terrified of having another child, but lately it creeps into my every spare moment when I'm allowed to think about future possibilities.

5)I love Owen more and more each day and I am amazed at what a blesing from God he is in my life. I don't show him, or tell him this enough.

6) I don't know how to keep a home neat, clean and tidy. It drives me nuts to be surrounded by clutter, disorder, and chaos, yet I also find it strangely cozy.
I was never taught to 'clean', and I don't have the self-discipline to start a regimen all my own. I secretly hope and wish that I absorb housewifey skills as such from Judy (my mother-in-law ) while we are blessed to be sharing a home with them while Owen is in school.

7) I feel really alone a lot of the time. I really miss my family and my friends in Arkansas. I get sad when I think about them and I wish I could go see them right now.

8) As much as I complained about Oregon ("it rains, and rains, and it was too cool, and it rains, a nd we are so far away from everyone") I miss it, and all the friends we made while we were there.

9) I'm trying to wean Emery, for convenience sake, but I don't really want to. I want to let him nurse until he weans himself.

10) I spend far too much time on facebook, Blogger, and mothering.com. I guess that stems from me feeling alone a lot of time. Hi friends!

Friday, November 6, 2009