Intentionally Honest- which leaves me feeling raw, open, and vulnerable.

My friend Jasmine tagged me to write ten honest things about me. Since this is the only blog I have, and semi-keep up with, I guess this is where it will be written.
I suppose this is a good thing because really, the people I started this blog for don't ever read it anymore-and if they do, they'll learn some things about me.

1) I struggle daily with a raging temper. I'll scream, yell, and say nasty things. The problem is: I don't know why I'm so angry.

2) Because of number one, I feel like an awful mother a lot of the time. I feel like I'm going to somehow scar Emery for life causing him to be an awful friend, partner, and father when he is older.

3)I love, love, love my job. It actually is inspiring me to do more with alternative medicine/Health/Natural Healing beyond just massage therapy and Midwifery (Maybe possibly a Naturopathic Doctor or a Nutritionist someday?!) However, I hate, hate, hate leaving Emery every day. I want to be the one teaching him things, and watching him grow.

4) Because of number 1, 2, and 3, I am terrified of having another child, but lately it creeps into my every spare moment when I'm allowed to think about future possibilities.

5)I love Owen more and more each day and I am amazed at what a blesing from God he is in my life. I don't show him, or tell him this enough.

6) I don't know how to keep a home neat, clean and tidy. It drives me nuts to be surrounded by clutter, disorder, and chaos, yet I also find it strangely cozy.
I was never taught to 'clean', and I don't have the self-discipline to start a regimen all my own. I secretly hope and wish that I absorb housewifey skills as such from Judy (my mother-in-law ) while we are blessed to be sharing a home with them while Owen is in school.

7) I feel really alone a lot of the time. I really miss my family and my friends in Arkansas. I get sad when I think about them and I wish I could go see them right now.

8) As much as I complained about Oregon ("it rains, and rains, and it was too cool, and it rains, a nd we are so far away from everyone") I miss it, and all the friends we made while we were there.

9) I'm trying to wean Emery, for convenience sake, but I don't really want to. I want to let him nurse until he weans himself.

10) I spend far too much time on facebook, Blogger, and mothering.com. I guess that stems from me feeling alone a lot of time. Hi friends!

Pictures are worth a thousand words......

......or so they say. Here is what happened in October, as told by pictures.

The first official haircut

The pictures loaded in backwards order, so the first pictures you see are the "after" shots, and the last are the "before".

I didn't want to do it. I imagined his hair being very rockstar-ish. Somewhat long in the back, and curly. Yet, shorter in the front. NOT a mullet, but surfer-style. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Anyway, it didn't turnout that way. His bangs were getting in his eyes, and he was waking up with matted curls in the back. Owen said he had a mullet. So we went to get it cut. Here are the pictures. He's still adorable. He just looks more grown up.

Am I supposed to be blogging about this stuff?

It seems as if nearly all the mommy bloggers I know post regular updates on their little ones and the different milestones that they reach. I fully inteneded on doing this when I started this blog, but clearly I have failed. So, here's your update.

Just so you know, Emery is an official toddler He's 18 months old. He's so much fun, and truly so much work. But, he's loved, soooo much. By everyone. He's a lucky boy. :)

We got his haircut today. We spent way too much moneyto go to a place that caters to kids. You know, those places that have chairs shaped like firetrucks, and taxis, and airplane. The place that plays loud obnoxious "kid-friendly" videos really close to their face in hopes of distracting them from the stranger holding sharp objects near ther eyes.
It was pointless. He was truly more interested in the stranger weilding a sharp object near his face to pay attention to the video. In fact, I think he enjoyed it. There were no tears, no meltdowns. He took it like a, well, like a little boy. He looks so much older now. I miss his long curly mop, but also love how grown up he looks. ;) (Pictures coming soon!)

I've been working. A lot. In order to give Grandma a break, I'm in the process of finding an affordable Motessori school. In all actuality it isn't really feasible to pay that kind of money, and we could use the government to help pay for daycare. But I feel like he should be well, learning something instead just playing. Am I wrong?

Emery says:

Emery is sitting on my lap, and he wants to type so:



gh n xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxz
kj klkl mll r hglvhjm,ll,,m , .l.gkgjjgjhjjc rf f ,mn mn vvvvvvvvvvvvvv
c v bbbbbbbbbbbbbb ,mmgt
Love, Emery



So, I guess he likes the space bar, and the comma, and he thinks he's management.
:)

My heart has a skinned knee

I got a new job. That will pay me m re and I'll be working the same hours, if not more, and it's a lot closer to the house, like blocks away. It's working in the healthy living department of a grocery store. I'm familiar with this stuff cause I did it for two years at Ozark Natural Foods. I'm excited! Bring on the healthy stuff!

Emery turned 17 months old on the 15th. Technically speaking I don't think he's considered a toddler until he's 18 months old. PSHAW! Have you seen my son? Have you had a conversation with him? He's a genius, and so very advanced for his age. He's been doing very toddler like things.

First, he went to the park today with Grandma. She said he went down the really big tall twisty slide all by himself. He rode on the merry-go-round and climbed the rock wall. She said she was really impressed with all the things he could do. She said it was like he had grown up a bit since last time at the park.

Then, the other day he put a roll-on bottle of pain-relieving capsacin in his mouth.......without the cap. I called poison control and they told me to give him yogurt and milk. His lips and mouth turned bright red and they swelled. He only cried for a few seconds and then he was fine. I felt so awful! I literally had just taken a mascara tube from him (that he had taken the lid off and was trying to put it in his mouth) seconds before.

Finally, he also fell and scraped his knee. It was one of the scrapes that break the skin, but only slightly. Just enough for the blood to peek through but not really go anywhere. It's like the top layer of skin gets removed. It hurts. I remember. It hurts even more when it's your baby, and they've never experienced anything like that before. He didn't cry. He whimpered and whined and grabbed his leg and said "Knee! Knee!" over and over again. I kissed it.
Owen says he's tough. I think so too. I guess I need to get tough too. He truly is "a piece of my heart walking around in the world."

Still here, somewhere.........

I can't beleive it's been solong since I've updated! We've had some issues here. Great Grandma Gowen ahd to have a toe amputated sue to some Diabetes complications, and Grandma (Judy, Owen's mom) had a stroke. Computer time hasn't been a high priority. All is well, and almost completely back to normal now. :)

In case you haven't noticed, I sort of gave up on my daily/monthly graces. I'm still greatful for each and every day though!

You want an Emery update? Of course you do!
Let's see.......

He runs, he climbs, he jabbers (in both baby, er, toddler gibberish, and sign language). He loves to read books. He'll bring them to you, turn around with his back to you and step backwards until he is either up against your legs, or in your lap. Then he'll turn the pages for you. Any book will do, it seems like the thicker and heavier the better. (I found him sitting in the kitchen this afternoon flipping through an upside down Southern Living cookbook of Grandma's. I guess he's following in Daddy's footsteps already!
He has new obsession with keys. He loves keys (made up his own sign for key as a matter of fact!)and knows that they are used to open doors, and start cars. Speaking of cars.....he knows that cars go vroom, and he'll tell you about it, just ask him what a car says. One of his other favorite things is to go driving. It doesn't matter if he's riding in his car seat while you actually drive somewhere, or if you actually go and physically sit in the parked car, in the driveway and let him twist and turn the steering wheel. It's all the same to him. He'll look at you with those gorgeous baby blues and say, "Drive? Zzzooooom!" while he is signing car (both fists held as if they are on a steering wheel). Love it!

We are considering putting him in a Mother's Day Out program at the church. It's two days a week, and would give him some much needed interaction with other little one's and give me few hours to be "Erin", and not "Mama!" Funding for this idea has yet to surface though. Anyone want to donate?!

Okay, though I have much more to say, I hear a little boy waking , so I gotta go......
More to come, Stay tuned!