Why I want to be A Midwife

“Having a highly trained obstetrical surgeon attend a normal birth is
analogous to having a pediatric surgeon babysit a healthy 2-year-old.”
Marsden Wagner MD
“Midwives see birth as a miracle and only mess with it if there’s a
problem; doctors see birth as a problem and if they don’t mess with
it, it’s a miracle!” Barbara Harper in Gentle Birth Choices

When I think of childbirth, I don't think of it as an emergency, or a
sickness, or something that needs to be managed or controlled.
Women have been having babies since the dawn of time. It wasn't until
the late 1800's that Doctors started to get involved. The Cesarean
rate in the United States is sitting at  32% as of  2011.  In my
opinion, this is due to the increasing number of unnecessary
interventions inside of Hospital Delivery rooms. How do we get away
from such a high Cesarean rate and unnecessary interventions? Doulas,
Homebirths, and Midwives.
My son was born at home with his cord wrapped around his shoulder and
chest into the hands of my skilled Midwife, Ellie with her amazing
Apprentice, Shawna looking on. Ellie swiftly and skillfully unwrapped
his cord and handed him to me.  He came so quickly that he forgot to
breathe. Ellie grabbed her oxygen tank and mask and administered it to
Emery. He pinked up immediately and Daddy cut his cord. All of this
happened in a matter of seconds, and I honestly didn't think anything
of it.
I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant with our second child.   This child will be
born at home as well. I have a different Midwife because we live in a
different state, and this time I planning on a Water birth. I'm not
one bit concerned. It's like breathing to me. It's birth. I trust my
body. I trust my midwife. My Labor is not an emergency or a medical condition
that needs to be managed or controlled.

How did I get to this point?

I have older sisters and I have friends and they have babies. I've
been witness to many Hospital births, and nearly every single one has
left me feeling unsettled. Not because anything went wrong, but
because in nearly every single one, there seemed to be a sense of
urgency, emergency.
Unnecessary interventions happened. The moms
didn't want to trust their bodies, and if they did, they were led to
believe that... "it would be better if..." or "Intervention x-y-z-
will make this easier for you"


In 2002 I began babysitting for a woman who had a 4 year old boy, a 2
year old girl and another baby on the way. All who had been, or were to
be, born at home.

This family was so foreign to me.

They lived simply.
They were happy.
I looked at pictures of both of the births.
Candice was smiling in all the pictures, she looked ecstatic, she was
eating and drinking,  walking around and getting massaged.
Guess what?
They were at home!
No monitors, no IVs, no doctors, no nurses. 
Just them, a Midwife (or two) and a comfy bed.
To follow up, a luxurious looking bath with mom and baby  together, right there, nursing.

Candice let me borrow her copy of  "Spiritual Midwifery" by Ina May
Gaskin, and my whole world was turned upside down.

Women still did this? They birthed at home? Without doctors and nurses
and IVs and Monitors, and WOW!

Suddenly my mind was asking all sorts of questions that I didn't have
the answers to.
What if I could spread the word that childbirth is a natural body process?
What if I could be a part of this magic called Labor?
What if I could be a Midwife?
Whoa! Hey, I could be a Midwife!
From that moment on, my whole life changed, literally.
Candice asked me if I thought I would have my babies at home.
I smiled at her and said, "I hope so."

I started taking Infant Massage classes so I could  be involved with
these families somehow.
I began looking for ways to become a midwife, or be close to midwives
and try to figure them out. How do they work? What do they think, how
do they act?
I started massaging a lay midwife (unlicensed) who would wash my
Massage linens in return. She had me put together a "Benefits of
Infant Massage" for her clients prenatal classes, then she told me
about a school
called ARMSS (Arkansas Midwives School and Services) I began saving up
money to enroll, then the school closed and I put the whole Idea on
the back burner.
While working at Ozark Natural Foods, I met a midwife. she shopped
there, and had the cutest little boy.
I got brave one day and asked her if I could apprentice under her, or
if she knew of any midwives that were taking on apprentices.
She suggested I become a Doula, and then we'd go from there.
A Doula? I wasn't interested in emotional support. PSHAW! I wanted to
get my hands dirty, per se.
I began looking elsewhere to start my education.
 My answer was to move out of state. I had some college under my belt
and I found a College of Midwifery in Portland, OR that offered a
Bachelor of Science in Midwifery.
My brand new doting husband was willing to help me follow my dreams so
off we went.  Away from every friend and family, all the way across
the country, just so I could enroll and take a chance on my dreams.
Three days after our arrival in Portland, I found out we were
expecting a bundle of joy all our own.  I didn't let that stop me!
I went ahead an applied to the school. I was accepted but after
talking to all the instructors, and my Midwife (who was also an
instructor there at the time) I decided that it would be really
difficult to be a full time mom to a newborn without a support system
and I opted to sit it out and wait for the next enrollment period.
 While waiting for the next round of enrollment I became a Doula.
The second enrollment period, I was put on the waiting list, but we
couldn't wait anymore.
We moved to Texas to pursue my husbands dreams of becoming a chef.
He's a Chef now, and I work in a Grocery store offering advice and
suggesting supplements and herbs to folks looking for alternatives to
Over-the-counter meds and prescriptions. Its a great job, but I also
get all kinds of questions from pregnant mama friends wanting advice
on how to handle common pregnancy complaints and what not. I have way
more fun talking to them and educating them about home birth, natural
child birth, attachment parenting, and breastfeeding.
I'm not able to quit my day job and go to school, or exercise my Doula
skills full time because of our financial situation right now.
I live and breathe Midwifery, and all things Childbirth and pregnancy
related. I am a self proclaimed "Birth Junkie".
I have tried several different times to find my path to Midwifery
certification, and it hasn't ever worked out.
I believe I've found a solution though.
We currently live in Texas.  In my never ending search for Midwifery
education, I stumbled across this school,
http://www.texasmidwives.com/education/

Here's a Blurb from their website describing how the program works,

The Association of Texas Midwives philosophy is that midwives should
be trained by other midwives, be that training in a school or through
apprenticeship. ATM has been involved with the education of aspiring
midwives for over 30 years. The development of a curriculum to better
help the student integrate academic learning with the clinical
training received with an experienced midwife-teacher (preceptor) has
evolved and grown as the needs of both midwifery students and
consumers of midwifery care has evolved and grown. This culminated
with the ATM Midwifery Training Program (ATMMTP) being designated as
an approved midwifery education program by the Texas Midwifery Board
in 1999. ATMMTP graduates are eligible to take the North American
Registry of Midwives (NARM) exam as a Texas agency candidate, and upon
successful completion, to obtain the Texas midwifery license, and then
the NARM Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) credential.
"The ATMMTP is an eight-part comprehensive midwifery education program
whose curriculum is based on the Midwives Alliance of North America's
standards for practice and "Core Competencies for Basic Midwifery
Practice", and fully incorporates and exceeds all NARM educational
requirements. These requirements are met through a variety of methods,
including home and internet based coursework, required reading, and
research and community projects. Each of the 8 parts, or modules, ends
with classroom time in the form of 2 or 3 day mandatory workshops
where review, application, integration, and testing occur. The
Program's expected completion period is approximately 2 1/2 - 3 1/2
years, including the required clinical training."
The Clinical Training is an actual Apprenticeship with a Midwife in my
Community, and takes place in conjunction with the coursework if I so
choose.

Now, here's the kicker.

The Program tuition is $7000.00, or $875.00 per module.
We don't have that kind of money just laying around.
If I was able to make this happen finally, my 9+ year quest will have
come to an end, and my destiny will have become a reality and the rest
of my life, as a Midwife can begin.
Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings.  I hope you enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed sharing it with you!

My Project Totus

I haven't posted in a while. I can't really apologize because, well. I've been busy.

Doing what you ask?

Gestating.
Mothering.
Managing.
Dreaming.
Planning.
Formulating.
Praying.

You know, the important stuff. Due to the simple fact that I've been busy, I just thought I'd pop in and give my readers an update. However, this isn't going to be a normal update, that'll come later. This post will be full lovely little links that will carry you to another place entirely.  This travelling elsewhere will be worth your while because it all leads to an update on me, and where I stand with the way things are right now. Please click on the links, and enjoy what you see. :)

First and foremost, I have this amazing lady for  a friend. 
Her name is Jasmine and she co-owns (authors....er, blogs....um...maintains) a blog with her friend Sadie. They are both busy mamas that find the time to be real and authentic about themselves, their relationships, and their mommy-ness through this deliciously delightfully fun to read blog called The Brokins.

Jasmine is in the midst of a wonderful life changing event right now that she is calling:  Project Totus. I've been following her every step of the way and let me just tell you, she is as very inspiring lady. So inspiring in fact, that I wanted in  on a little piece of this "Project Totus" for myself. So, I'm taking a HUGE leap of faith and hoping that I land somewhere near where I need to be in order to start on this Project Totus path of my own.

Granted, Mine will be a bit different because well, Jasmine and I are different people.  What she needs, and what I need are the same, a community of supporters and cheerleaders, our end results will be similar because we are both reaching for a "whole-ness" we're just going about it in different ways.
Those of you who know me, know what I want to do with my life.  You know what I live and breathe. But, I haven't ever really started down a path that will ultimately get me to the end result of MIDWIFE.
That's a bout to change my friends.
Here is a link to my own personal Project Totus starting line. Please take the time to read it, and share it.
Jasmine's Endorsement Blog post.
She'll be adding a few more tidbits to my story in the coming weeks, so please, come back often, and share it with anybody you'd think would be interested.


I love you all for believing in me.
Do you believe in Dreams, in Callings, in Destiny?
If you do, click on the link, and then pass it along.

Thanks for reading!

-Erin. Owen, Emery, and the Gestating One.....
;)

Horrible ,awful, terrible, no good...yet wonderful day

My sister called me last night and told me that my nephew might have cancer.  Let me give you the back story.
Barrick is the first born to my baby brother.  He is a joy to be around. He's an amazing big brother, he's very smart, sweet, caring, so affecionate, and funny!
This little boy has been through a lot in his short life.  My brother and Barrick's mom married young, and didn't quite grow together.  The end of their relationship was rough, and Barrick was caught in the middle, he was also subjected to a lot of tough stuff at the hands of caretakers, and then a bitter custody battle, finally to be completey signed over to my brother.  Last week he was visiting his mother and got to spend time with Nana (my mom) when his mom was at work.
Nana noticed that his face was a bit swollen and figured he was cutting his five year molars. As time went on, the swelling wasn't going away. The insurance card was in TX with my brother so they took him to the ER.  The ER doctors felt it was a bacterial/viral infection that was possibly clogging a salivary gland and prescribed a strong dose of antibiotics.
  Fast forward to last night.
The round of antibiotics is done and the swelling is still evident. He has a fever that spikes and won't come down with medicine so back to ER they go.
That's when my sister called me. They admitted last night for blood tests and whatnot, and then this morning decided that he needed to see a pediatric oncologist.
Once the oncologist saw him, he was life flighted to Ft. Worth.
Its definitely cancer. We just don't know what kind. Its either Sarcoma, or Lymphoma.
Tomorrow they're doing a biopsy, and a bone marrow test in order to determine the type, stage, and treatment. I don't really have anything else to say about this right now. I'm just so heartbroken.  I'm not sure where to go from here, or what to say to my brother in order to ease his mind. It just is. And it just sucks.
In other news, Emery stucka rock in his ear again yesterday. I took him to the pediatricina this morning and they tried to flush it out with water. Three bottles of water to be exact.
He hated it, and the rock didn't come out. So, we were referred to an ENT.
 Right after leaving the pediatric office we had to rush across town because I was late for the appointment with April Bullock of Birthwise. She and I seemed to click, and she has midwifed a few couples that I know.  I originally stumbled upon her in my attempt to find a midwife to apprentice with, then when I found out we were having #2, it just seemed like she would be someone that I would be comfortable with, and I was. As an added bonus, my insurance will pay her and I can have a homebirth, or if I chose to, at her Birthing Center.  My next appointment is next week and we'll start the whole prenatal process with the health history, and the stats, and measuring and all that.

After April's appointment, Emery and I grabbed a bite to eat at a fast food place (ugh, disgusting I know, but its literally all we had time to do--and I was starving!), and then drove across town again for the ENT appointment. The ENT and I joked about things kids put in their ears, and how boys are boys all the while he was "looking" in Emery's ear with his tweezer type tool and a bright light. Literally 2 minutes later he pulled out a giant rock. Seriously, it was bigger than the pink one removed last time (shown in this picture). Emery didn't even make a peep, and it cost us a lot less than the last one.

So, with all of that, this has been a day full of emotions. I'm exhausted, and now, I'm watching "The Voice" with a nice glass of ginger ale to soothe my tummy. I love you all. thanks for your prayers and encouragement.
  

Change is the only constant.

The significance of the name change is that it means so much to me.  There is so much wrapped up in these yellow 'weeds'. They are a very healing plant, yet most just consider them an annoying weed.  For me, they are a symbol of constant rebirth and tenacity.  

There is a song called "Dandelions" by a band named Five Iron Frenzy.

http://www.lyricstime.com/five-iron-frenzy-dandelions-lyrics.html

The lyrics are this:

In a field of yellow flowers,

underneath the sun,

bluest eyes that spark with lightning,

boy with shoes undone.
He is young, so full of hope,

reveling in tiny dreams,
filling up, his arms with flowers,

right for giving any queen.

Running to her beaming bright,

while cradling his prize.

A flickering of yellow light,

within his mother's eyes.

She holds them to her heart,
keeping them where they'll be safe,

clasped within her very marrow,

dandelions in a vase.

She sees love, where anyone else would see weeds.
all hope is found.
Here is everything he needs.

Fathomless your endless mercy,

weight I could not lift.

Where do I fit in this puzzle,

what good are these gifts?
Not a martyr, or a saint,

scarcely can I struggle through.

All that I have ever wanted,
was to give my best to you.

Lord, search my heart,

create in me something clean.
Dandelions
you see flowers in these weeds.

Gently lifting hands to heaven,
softened by the sweetest hush,

a Father sings over his children,

loving them so very much.

More than words could warrant,

deeper than the darkest blue,

more than sacrifice could merit,

Lord, I give my heart to you

I first heard it in High School and thought it was just a fun catchy tune. As I grew, it took on so much more meaning for me.  I saw my future in that song. Love, Marriage, Motherhood, Worship.

Now I have a son with the bluest eyes.

I have a son that calls me Princess.

I have a son, that brings me Dandelions.

I struggle everyday to find out what my gifts are,

 how they can be used,

if I'm doing all that I need to do to Glorify God.

I have a family that I love, and am so thankful for everyday.

Now, I can barely listen to this song without crying.

This blog was started to keep far away family informed, and updated on what's happening in our lives. 

It's turned itno something different for me, and I hope you all don't mind where I might go with this blog.  Maybe it'll be easier for me to maintain if I feel more vested in it. 

Maybe.

Here's your challenge:

Keep me accountable.

Thanks for being you, we love you all!

-Erin

 

Two weeks to go...

It's March so we are officially out of here in two weeks. Oops. Two weeks? We have soooo much to do! Has anyone seen Emery? I know he's around here somewhere.....

February has come and gone. I love February. I guess it's because it's my Birthday month, and it's the shortest month so that makes it unique. Alot happened in February. Emery turned 10 months old. The next day he took two steps, that hasn't happened since, but I know he can do it. He outgrew all of his 9 month clothes and the majority of his 12 month clothes. He learned how to say kitty, and cat. He also learned how to wave bye-bye, sign "more" (but he doesn't always use it), drink from a straw, climb (and he climbs quickly and well!), and make the Indian noise (I'll post a video later).

Valentine's Day was wonderful! Owen made Duck ala L'orange for the main course, and for dessert, flambeed strawberries and cherries over melted cheesecake. Yum!

I had a great Birthday. I got to sleep in, and I had a luxuriously long shower, and I soaked my feet in some amazing mineral salts. I took a long nap. It was a good day!
Owen made me a triple layer fudge cake with buttercream icing with chocolate ganache glaze.

We went out to dinner at Red Robin with friends. I was embarrassed royally when they made me where balloons around my head while they serenaded me.

So, yeah, if all this happened in the shortest month of the year, what will happen in the next two weeks?!

Owen tried to surprise me today...

...but he's really bad about hiding things from me. Meaning...he can't. His face turns red and he can't quit smiling. It's nearly impossible for him to surprise me.

A few days ago we went into Portland to do some grocery shopping at New Seasons, and we stopped in at a bike shop we'd never seen before. We were browsing really, not looking to buy because well, bikes are expensive. Then I saw it. The bike of my dreams (well not *really*, but pretty darn close). It was a vintage Schwinn, (today Owen said it wasn't) cruiser style bike with three speeds, fenders, a back rack, and a light that came on when you pedaled. It needed a paint job, but it was the right size, and EXPENSIVE. We walked away and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

Today Owen came home and said, "Hey babe," (face turning red)"remember that bike you saw the other day? Well, it has internal gears, and it needed a paint job pretty bad. (Huge grin, face turning redder, nervous laughter)"

"Really?" I said. "How do you know that?"

(No eye contact, biggest grin ever) "I just know. Besides, there was this other one that didn't have a price tag. Remember that one? Well, it's out in the car!"

So.

I.

Have.

A.

Bike.

It's red and shiny! It's a Schwinn! It's a cruiser! (and it's a tiny bit too big for me) But, Owen paid like HALF of what the other bike cost, and it looks sooooo much better, and it's a 5 speed, and now we can ride bikes together!

I just need to add a light and an rack and a basket and a bell, attach a baby seat/trailer and we'll be good to go. :)


Happy Valentine's Day/Birthday to me! :)

"I love you like the Ocean through the eyes of the Moon"

This is the lovely Raina Rose. She prides herself on being a folk Goddess. :)

She makes my heart happy, and I love this song. I hope this video stirs emotion in you like it did me. Enjoy!



Check out her website, buy her CDs!

So, I've been terrible about updating lately.....

So this update will be a long one.....sorry.

Our trip was lovely, but not long enough.

It was also challenging. It was difficult to keep up with EC while on the go so much. We resorted to using eco friendly disposables for most of the trip. G-diapers were so useful! Then, while in Houston we found some diapers made out of corn! We still have some of those ledt over and are using them at night time. AP style parenting was the same, maybe even more convenient.

I bet you're just dying to know how the second leg of the journey went huh?
We flew into Tulsa and were met by Nana. Emery slept all the way to West Siloam/Watts/Flint Ridge. We stopped and he met aunt Amy while she was working. We arrived at Nana's just in time for the extended family to start arriving. There was a houseful! We had food and paseed babies around. Barrick (one of the nephews) showed up (from Texas) and had his own little belated Christmas. Finally everyone filtered out and we settled in for the night. The next morning we rushed around trying to get breakfast and have all the little ones ready for pictures. Mass confusion followed with musical carseats (not as fun as musical chairs), and shuffling around of who is riding with who. We all met up at Wal-Mart and orceeded to cram all 10 (yes ten!) of the grandkids into a portrait. (Poor camera man) The rest of the day was a bit more relaxing. Tasha and I tried for hours to get the photo printer to work, only to realize that ...hmmmm. the USB wasn't connected. Sheesh. What a genius am I?!

Sunday night Owen, Emery and I headed over to Fayetteville to spend some time with the Lingelbach's. Owen and I were there when Zoe was born, and then we moved away.....now she's a walking, talking, little sweetie!
It was great to get to spend some time with my best friend! We opted to stay the night which was awesome! :) The next day we went out to breakfast at the Rolling Pin cafe. I had hoped to get some chocolate gravy.....but I was out of luck. After breakfast we headed over to Ozark Natural Foods and made our rounds saying hello to old co-workers and showing off our handsome little dude.
Then, it started to rain, and then it started to freeze. We headed back to Dawn's in hopes of seeing a few more old friends. The weather had other plans so we went back over to my mom's house earlier than expected and started checking on our flight's back home.
The next day we left my mom's hours before we should have just in order to make it in time to catch our flight which was still scheduled to leave.
We arrived safely at the airport, and then the waiting began.
First the flight before ours was cancelled, then our flight was delayed, then, finally we were sitting on the TARMAC waiting for a break in the weather to get us airborn. We waited, and we waited, and we waited.
Then we were taxiig down the runway. Then we were airborn.
We arrived in Houston with 15 minutes before our connecting flight was leaving.
We ran. With Emery strapped to me in the Ergo. I ran.
We made it, and Emery stayed awake for the entire 5 hour flight!!!!! We touched down in Portland. Grabbed our bags, and were in our car headed home by 12:30 am our time.

It was so nice to be sleeping in our own bed.
It's so nice to be back in Gresham, but I still wish we had had more time.

Owen really liked the Culinary school.
We're beginning the transition process right now.
We're looking for an affordable storage unit. Most of our earthly possessions will be placed there. Everything else is coming with us to Spring, TX. Once Owen finishes school and we are confident enough to make the move across country again, we'll be coming back to the Great Northwest. Next time around we'll more than likely be closer to Portland, and closer to Birthingway. Maybe we'll even buy a house. Maybe. :)

I would post some pictures, but I can't seem to find the camera cord. Grrrr.

It's almost my birthday. Usually I have so many ideas of what I want, but his year, I'm void. I can't really think of anything I want, well within reason. I mean who wouldn't want a new Electra Amsterdam bicycle (that's way too expensive and just something else for us to move), or a cabinet table just perfect for sewing on. My needs are met as well, so what do I ask for?

More time with my family? Who can give that to me?

Fun with the Zollner's....

I met Melissa when I attended a La Leche League meeting here in Gresham.

She has two adorable little girls, Karis and Maddy. Melissa is the La Leche League leader. She does a wonderful job, and I feel like we're in the midst of a great friendship.

She brought Karis over the other day. This is a good thing. :) Karis looooves Emery!

She ALWAYS gives him big wet sloppy kisses, of course, these are the best kind!


Emery doesn't ever know what to think at first, but before too long.....
...he's just as enamored with her.


He also loves to watch Karis toddle around. I think he's seceretly trying to figure out her technique.


Here they are sharing Karis' babies. They took turns kissing (well, slobbering and chewing) on them.
Karis is a sweetheart!

We went to the Zollner's for a family friendly New Year's Eve party. Maddy had just got a kitchen for Christmas, and Emery loved it! I think we may have a future chef on our hands. He already wants to be just like Daddy!

Maddy was being quite the tattoo artist. Here she is doing her handiwork on Owen's neck.

The finished product was an upside down squid/octopus thing. Owen loved it!



It's always so much fun being around these lovely folks. I just wanted to share a bit of their magic with you guys!